We are made in the image of God, and yet it is not good for us to be alone. We are happiest when we have companions to help us, love us, connect with us, and be witness to our lives. The current wisdom of the world is that we should not need anyone else and are weak if we do. In balance, the idea of being self-sufficient is probably healthy. On the other hand, I am most miserable when I am unhappily partnered. When pressed, those who say they do not need partners will almost always admit they would rather be married if the right person comes along—but they despair of that ever happening.
Many will acknowledge in one way or another that they are afraid. Our experiences with divorce teach us that it is highly inconvenient, financially ruinous, emotionally devastating, and extremely hard on our children.
If you have been through divorce, you often conclude that the possibility of happiness feels remote and is not worth the risk of being hurt again. When we marry, we give our partners the opportunity to hurt us deeply—and that is frightening. The Psalmist captured this kind of relationship trauma writing:. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company Psalm Did the person you trusted to always be there for you prove untrustworthy?
Did the person you opened your heart to turn away? Betrayal and rejection by someone you love is deeply painful.
Your body remembers the pain and tries to warn us against risking that pain again—paradoxically by giving us more pain. When a protector or nurturer becomes an abuser, trust often gets twisted into suspicion and it is easy for a person to conclude that he or she is better off trusting no one.
